With Love, Thelms

The truth about friendships? They’re a lot of work and that right there is the plain ole’ truth.

THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK.

Okay, okay.

So maybe not a lot of work, but they can be.

I was just having a discussion with my girlfriends about various situations that have happened in our lives recently, as it pertains to friendships. The common consensus? Friendships encompass work, effort, care, and a mix of intentional/unintentional action. The crazy thing is that many people don’t know that or turn a blind eye to it altogether. Naturally, this results in the demise of friendships for many reasons.

These days friendships seem to be so fickle and don’t mean much of anything. In my opinion, it’s not only sad, but very unfortunate.  I’m not sure if they don’t mean much to some because people don’t want to put in the work to maintain or if it’s that people just don’t care as much.

Has our society forgotten what it means to not only be a friend, but a good one?

It’s true that the older we get, the harder it is to have as much leisure as we had in the past. In many scenarios (mine included), gone are the days of spending hours and hours on FT/phone. Many of our lives are too jam packed or busy to make time for such occurrences.

But in the same breath, one shouldn’t confuse making time as something that is impossible. It is very possible to make time. None of us are that busy that you can’t spare an hour and just catch up with a friend. Even if that hour happens every two weeks or once a month. I’m not saying make time to sit on the phone till the wee hours of the morning. No, not at all. I’m just saying make the effort to stay in the know.

Staying in the know can be as simple as:

1) Keeping up with your friend’s/friends’ social accounts. We update our various social media accounts so often that it’s very difficult to have no clue in the least. Not in today’s world, no way. Sometimes being a good friend and staying in the know can be as simple as showing support. For whatever they’re doing, just being supportive. If you see it on their various social accounts, show love. Spread the word. Speaking from personal experience, one sided support is very draining and irritating.

2) Send a random text every now and then. This will always make the recipient smile because it shows them that they were being thought of. In my case, this literally happened to me the other day. A friend of mine was aware of something that I’ve been keeping her in the loop about. I didn’t bring it up to her again for days. That was until, I received a random text from her following up on what we last discussed. Talk about encompassing work, effort, care, and intentional action. All in just a single text.

3) Following up/having memory recall. If you haven’t talked to them in a little bit, follow up when you finally do. It’s impossible to remember everything you’re told, but at least get the big picture. There’s nothing more insulting than being asked a question about something you’ve told a friend a million times before. It’s annoying and honestly? Inconsiderate.

There are so many additional ways to be “in the know” when it comes to your friends.

Another point we discussed (my group of girlfriends), was understanding that everything isn’t always about you. A friendship is a two way streak. Meaning, a friendship is a coming together of two or more people with various backgrounds, sharing what matters to them — hoping that in part the other will do so just as equally. It takes being self aware to notice when too much of a shift is occurring in the friendship. What I mean by this is:

If you notice that your friendship with someone is constantly 70/30 (it’s more about you and hardly them or vice versa), change something. This takes self awareness. There are times when this way of looking at friendships doesn’t always bode well. At times, a friend may be going through something that may require it to be all about them or you yourself may be going through something… requiring a shift to occur. This can’t always be the case however. Something’s just gotta give when appropriate.

As you could have probably guessed, I take the relationships with people in my life very seriously. Yes, it’s work (some type of effort), but it’s worth it to me if you’re worth it. Ya know?

After all, understanding the dynamics of a friendship takes work remember? & that’s the truth about friendships.

Signing off of another Sunday Chat babes.

I hope this post was insightful and sparked something in you. If so, share your thoughts with me in the comments below.

Till next Sunday,

Thelms

Photos by Tiffany King