With Love, Thelms

It’s a question that is often posed when it comes to the interaction between two interested parties. Society gives us the impression more often than not, that we have to be one or the other. That to be a realist is to miss out on the love and passion that a romantic encompasses and vice versa. But why? Why does it have to be one or the other? Before we dive deep into that — it’s important that we differentiate the two.

So the ROMANTICS. Often times as women, we’re categorized as romantics. The assumption being that as women we’re emotional and require so much from our partners when it comes to romance. Romantics want the guy (or girl if that’s what you’re into), the flowers, and all the feels constantly. Often wanting to be in an environment where they’re are made to feel so special and so serene. It certainly doesn’t hurt if it’s in the throes of a new or current relationship. In many situations, it’s also how they gauge the pursuit of someone new. Romantics have this checklist in most cases that are nonnegotiable(s). They have a specific partner in mind and usually won’t relent on those specific desires. If you’re not stepping up to the plate then you’re packing your bags and hitting the door.

Now the REALISTS. These group of individuals are usually pretty no nonsense. They understand the reality of life and usually don’t expect much. Understanding that as humans we are bound to error and mistakes. That to expect a certain kind of treatment in the face of so much that your significant other or potential partner may be going through is almost unreasonable. Many view realists as individuals that lack the passion or fire required to grow intimately with someone. I’d say that’s the biggest misconception when it comes to this group of people. Often times, don’t get me wrong — those sentiments ring true, but not always. Realists are reasonable in that they don’t unnecessarily romanticize potential partners, but instead accept them for who and what they are.

Here’s the thing though.

What if the romanticism that we crave is a barrier to our forever love? That our expectations for romance are on such an extreme that we miss out on something. Something wonderful that requires us to to look past the romance that we so badly crave and hone in on the reality of life (& most importantly love). In the same breath as a realist what if we’re sacrificing the fire that keeps relationships interesting? That we’re so focused on not expecting anything from anyone that we don’t show up. That we don’t show up and take an active role in our interactions/relationship with another.

Why can’t we be categorized as romantic realists instead? Individuals that have a healthy balance of the fire they desire and yet the understanding/acceptance for the other party that a realist makes.

Le’sigh.

I’d reckon that it might be more fitting for us to have a balance of both.

That we prioritize showing up in both ways.

I’d hate for us to miss out on an extraordinary love because the romantic in us believes he/she doesn’t fit a particular mold. Then of course missing out on the belief that our person might activate the fire & desire in us realists — should not be ignored either.

To being the romantic realist our forever love deserves,

With Love,

Thelms