Well, well, well.
Fancy meeting you babes here as I bring back my beloved Sunday Chats. In all seriousness, I figured what better time than now to bring back the series with a chat that is very relevant to the era we live in: marriage + my thoughts on it.
After witnessing the marriage of my two very good friends (pictured above), it left me feeling excited, but also wondering a few things too. How could the union of two people (something so beautiful), be the very thing our society seems to be running away from.
Why are people getting married less?
What is causing couples to go for the common law arrangement versus the paperwork?
How are people okay dating just to date with no intent of progression?
After chatting with a coworker a few weeks back, I realized that many people (like himself) — don’t see the point in marriage and have absolutely no desire to ever get hitched.
But why is that?
His response, like some others I’ve had a chance to chat with,
“What’s the point. I know she’s the only person I want to be with. Why do I have to prove that by getting married?”
“But you’re not proving anything,” I said. “You’re showing her with action that she truly is the only person you’ll ever want to be with.”
…as the conversation continued he went on to say, “It’ll end in divorce. That or people being married for the sake of being married and secretly hating everything about their partner… I don’t want that shit in my life.”
All I could think to myself after chatting with him,
WHO THE HELL HURT YOU PLAYBOY.
I couldn’t believe that someone could have such a warped and pessimistic way of looking at marriage. Then again it may have had something to do with the nasty split of his parents after 30-35 years of marriage? Nevertheless, I hated that experience had taught him a different way of thinking about marriage than it had me.
But was that really an excuse?
I knew others who experienced the same thing. However, they used their experience as a way to overcome the odds, with the desire to still be married one day.
From where I was standing, marriage has always been in the life plan. Probably because I have dreamed of getting married since the moment I knew how to make sense of my dreams. I’ve always viewed marriage as a beautiful commitment between two people. One where you make a promise to have each other’s back and support each other through all things. Someone who would hold your feet to the fire when you were wrong and champion for you when right. A person who is more than a bed buddy, but your home when you’re away from home. It is the verbal and nonverbal vow one makes to you as well as to God. A vow to love, protect, and honor you despite it all.
In my opinion, that’s a level of braveness that no one can disclaim.
Because it’s damn brave to legally commit to one person.
& I for damn sure want my man to be brave and legally commit to me with the intention of following through honestly and admirably.
But here’s the thing. For my peeps who despite all of this, refuse to be swayed. Take the time to truly find out why by honestly answering these questions and working through it:
What’s the worst thing that could happen after you say I do?
Does the concept of marriage scare you, and if so why?
Have you ever worked through the experiences that taught you that marriage is nothing short of a sham between two people?
If none of these are the reason you don’t want to get married, then hey what do I know.
All I can say is that marriage is a beautiful thing I hope I get to experience and fight for everyday of my life the moment it happens to me.
To being brave,
Thelms
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