With Love, Thelms

There’s something to be said for old friends that ride the wave with you into your twenties. Naturally they’re a comfort because you’ve known them for years prior and if you all’s friendship survives the trials and tribulations of *teenhood, you’d hope that the same could be said for adulthood. Not always the case, but one can hope. In any case, there’s for sure something to be said for making friends in your twenties though. It can be every bit of beautiful, challenging, uncomfortable, and yet growth stimulating.

It’s why in today’s post I want to break down each aspect of what making friends in your twenties can bring — while leaving you with some solid advice in the end.

Shall we get started?

Making Friends in Your Twenties can be,

BEAUTIFUL

It can be so beautiful. Meeting people who don’t have any notion of who you are can be so refreshing. They do a great job of taking you for who you are and don’t lean on who you were or where you might have been in your journey of life thus far. The obvious reason being that they don’t know the you, you may have been in high school. Or any period before that. The person that may have experienced things that you grew from, but would appreciate not having as a point of reference with someone new. Whether that be flaws from your younger years or traits that you no longer claim, now that you’re older (and hopefully a wee bit wiser). It can also be beautiful because you’re fine tuning the person you are in your twenties. As you continue to get clearer about the kind of people you want in your life and who should get to stepping.

Making Friends in Your Twenties can be,

CHALLENGING

As any new friendship, it can be challenging in the beginning. Naturally, adjusting to someone that you don’t know very well but have decided internally you want to get to know can be a bit of a hurdle. Not because they’re no good or what have you, but simply because there are aspects of them that may differ from you. Perspectives, experiences, communication, and so forth. That in itself can be an adjustment that can prove challenging. Just as you are fine tuning who you are in this decade of discovery that is your twenties, so is that new friend. So be easy on yourself and that friend. Now if there are red flags shown, that’s a no brainer. Dump ‘em as quickly as you found them. However if there are slight differences in the way you communicate or find resolve in things, be easy. Grant grace and exercise patience. No one ever said that in your twenties you’d be the perfect friend, so understand that they may be navigating their imperfections too.

Making Friends in Your Twenties can be,

UNCOMFORTABLE

I believe any experience where you’re making new friends during a season where so much is being discovered about yourself — yeah it can be quite uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for many reasons, but for the Scorpio in me it’s determining if you should be vulnerable and open. Is that just a me thing or are y’all right there with me? Especially in your twenties man. Crying to a new friend about something that upset you? Uncomfortable. Getting triggered by something or someone while out with a new friend, therefore causing a shift in your aura? Uncomfortable. Having to share the trigger for the new friend to better understand? Uncomfortable. Peeling back the layers of who you are as you navigate this new person or people in your life is…. hard, but necessary. I’m of the belief that in order to find depth in friendships (which is the very epitome of a good one), it requires vulnerability, honesty, and substance. Believe me when I say though, that uncomfortable feeling isn’t a one way streak. The other person is definitely feeling it as well, whether it happens sooner or later. Making new friends in your twenties can be uncomfortable, yes. However, when you find someone who is worth being that way with? Wow. Magic is created.

Making Friends in Your Twenties can be,

GROWTH STIMULATING

I think it goes without saying that we’ve all heard the infamous saying: some people are brought into your life for a reason or a season. I might have totally screwed that up by a few words here and there LOL, but you get my drift. Making friends in your twenties is growth stimulating. Whether they are around for a reason — to teach you valuable things about yourself, life, and/or others, it’s necessary. Or if they will be in your life for seasons to come, one can only hope that you will experience growth that can’t be bought through the tenure of that friendship. Experiencing life with someone in any capacity teaches you in a way that results in substantial growth. No matter how long or how little they end up being a part of your life — the goal is to learn something.

Here’s the thing; the reality of making friends in your twenties that is.

Be concise about what you require in friends. Do you need someone who is honest (doesn’t everyone though lol)? Someone who is soft in their delivery or maybe you require someone who is harsh in the way they help you get real about life or boys or both? Maybe someone who is more of a listener than a talker? A new friend that isn’t *judgey or holds things over your head? Someone who’s direct and not passive? Or maybe you appreciate a passive babe? I don’t, but do you boo. Get clear on what you appreciate in a friend, so as you come across new ones you can determine what will hit and what will be a total miss. Additionally, when making friends in your twenties — though your twenties will be a decade of discovery, be confident in who you are. Show up in the world the way you want to be perceived. Give bad bitch energy, with a sprinkle of sweetness if that’s your tea. Whatever it is please I beg of you, be you. Understand that in order to develop friendships that are lasting, you have got to show up as your most authentic self. Please don’t pretend to be someone you’re not because you feel it will help that person like you better or appreciate you more. That’s the worst way to make new friends, especially in your twenties. Show up as your most true self and to quote the viral saying that has had me in a chokehold for weeks,

“The girls that get it, get it. The ones that don’t, don’t.”

To making friends in your twenties that will grow with you through the seasons and teach you a thing or two about life and yourself during this critical decade of discovery.

With Love,

Thelms