With Love, Thelms

Looking into yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. It’s raw, it’s painful, it’s eye opening, but it must be done. As children it is so easy to view ourselves purely and without fault. After all, I’d like to believe that the phrase ignorance is bliss is the epicenter of childhood. You don’t know better, so you are who you are based off a few things. Your environment, your family, and your friends. The only difference with adulthood is that “ignorance is bliss” is no longer an excuse, but a choice. No longer is it appropriate to ignore how we come off (whether good or bad) or the things that we would benefit from by looking into ourselves.

Hey, I get it though.

As an introspective person myself, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hurt my own feelings by getting real and raw with myself. By diving deep and uncovering experiences that have led to my bad behavior a time or two.

Was it painful? WITHOUT QUESTION.

More importantly though, was it restorative?

More than you know.

Self discovery was never meant to be an experience filled with sunshine and roses. If that has been your self discovery experience — I’m here to inform you that you didn’t do it right. Or you haven’t been doing it right. The discovery of self is supposed to be painful. It’s not supposed to feel good as you uncover moments that have negatively affected who you are today. It’s supposed to hurt as you get to the root of why you might be emotionally void in situations that require expression. Or why you are triggered by comments not in the least bit directed at you. It might even help you understand why connection with a significant other is so challenging. Hell, or why the idea of someone getting too close puts you on edge. The process of introspection is similar to peeling back a bandaged wound and attempting to assess the damage.

Wondering:

Did it heal properly?

Will I be scarred permanently?

Will I be more fearful or more bold based off the after effects of this wound?

How will I ensure this wound doesn’t happen again?

After the trauma of the wound you focus on looking into these things. No longer choosing to bury your head in the sand with cringeworthy excuses like “it’s just the way I am.”

You feel the pain. You hurt. You push through it.

& then it happens.

The restorative aspect of self discovery that is.

The part once reached that is so rewarding. That gives you solace as you have now uncovered moments/experiences that have contributed to the you, you show up as. In doing so, you are now educated on how to move forward and be better because of it. Consciously aware that changed behavior is the objective here.

Le’sigh.

Self discovery is painful, I won’t ever deny that. However when you challenge yourself to hurt for a little while, so that you can ultimately be restored?

Oh that deserves a hooray and pat on the back baby.

To peeling back bandages and cleaning out old wounds in the hope of restoration,

Thelms