GHOSTING: THE DOUBLE STANDARD

Happy Wednesday beautiful people. I think it only makes sense before diving deep into the double standards associated with ghosting, we define it first.

For my millennial babes, we’ve got the definition down pack. So I’m not too worried about you guys.

For my babes that are trying to get down with the lingo, let’s get to it.

Ghosting, for all intents and purposes is defined as,

“the practice of ending a personal relationship by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”

I’m talking no text back, no call follow up… basically one goes from a whole bunch of something to absolutely nothing.

Go figure.

But why?

As women, being ghosted by a man is the worst thing ever or so it feels like initially. We can’t help imagining where things might go, but forcing ourselves to take it day by day nonetheless. We put time into texting, showing up to date nights, getting to know you, etc. So much so that even if it’s for a short amount of time, we always feel like we’ve invested something. Which makes the idea of being ghosted, all the more disappointing. It then usually results in most women (men too) feeling angry saying things like “so rude” or  “they could have said they weren’t interested”

Could they though?

I mean think about it. If you were no longer interested in talking to a guy (especially in a situation where there’s no real commitment), would you really go out of your way to explain why you’re no longer into it before leaving?

The answer is probably not.

Therein lies the double standard. Why do we get so bent out of shape when we’ve been ghosted, but have no qualms about being the one doing the ghosting?

Again, double standard anyone?

I’d like to think so.

I mean hey, I’ve been ghosted, but I’ve also been the one to do the ghosting. As frustrating as being ghosted can feel like at times, being the one to do the ghosting opened my eyes… to the other side of things.

As much as being ghosted sucks royally, it happens to the best of us. Instead of getting bent out of shape over it, maybe we should make more of an effort to take it in stride — keep it moving you know?

Don’t get me wrong though.

You have absolutely every right to be upset if someone pulls the disappearing act (ghosting) after,

• you’ve developed a sexual relationship
• Have established some sort of commitment
• Been dating for more than three months, consistently & so forth.

Hell you have every right to be upset, if your situation does not fall into any of the categories listed above..

However, letting it keep you down and out does you no favors.

& for those who fall into both categories (ghoster and the ghosted)… Let’s chuck the double standard and ride the wave to the best of our ability.

Until, we find our prince or princess that is.

Thelms

friendly reminder, new blog posts on With Love, Thelms every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for you babes’ viewing pleasure.