If you asked me a month ago about what couples were relationship goals, whew. I’d have listed off too many. Though these days I’m singing a totally different tune when it comes to relationships. They’re just never what they seem to be y’all. I think I’ve always known that, but I became more sure of that recently. There are so many things left to the imagination. I’m talking things you will never know about someone else’s life with another person. Things you aren’t meant to know to be honest. So to pit your own relationship or the one you hope to have on the basis of another is honestly a bit wild and mostly unrealistic.
How can you desire a relationship that you have no idea the ins and outs of..? How can someone else’s relationship be your relationship goals?
Now I know there will be people who read this post and think a few things. Hell, you’re probably already thinking a few things.
For one, how untrue my thoughts or viewpoint is and frankly that’s okay. That’s why we’re all allowed to have opinions. We may not always agree, but I think there’s so much beauty to be found in the opinions of another. One opinion isn’t ever more right than the other. It’s just that it may be more right than wrong for that particular individual and that is okay.
So bear with me as I dive deeper into my opinion on why I don’t believe in relationship goals anymore.
It’s a lot to unpack, so here goes nothing.
I guess I’ve recently come to the conclusion that relationship goals are unrealistic.
What you see is hardly ever what it actually is.
Can you blame a couple for that being the case though? No one wants to share their dirty laundry or the things about their not so perfect partners or themselves. Especially not themselves. In today’s society doing so would mean absolute character assassination or opinions and recommendations from the not so welcome peanut gallery. So couple’s do the exact opposite.
They share the good times. The happy times. Special moments shared between each other because they know that’s what we want to see and that’s what they are okay with sharing. Or you have some couples who don’t share at all letting viewers or those aware of their relationship assume what they want to assume. Both of which are totally fine. No matter the circumstance however, one thing remains the same in either scenario. Consistent even if you will.
You only see what that couple you claim are “relationship goals” wants you to see.
So to put what you desire in your current partner or soon to be partner to unattainable standards because of another’s relationship is unfair and unrealistic.
This however, is not to say that you shouldn’t admire a couple for what they put out there. Nope not at all. Sure I admire very few couples, but you definitely won’t find me basing my entire relationship on someone else’s. You won’t even find me setting out unrealistic goals for my partner because that’s what it seems is working in another person’s relationship. Or even dreaming this idea of this perfect life with this perfect man because some couple out there is my self professed “relationship goals.”
Every relationship is different. Varying situations, encounters, and issues make up one person’s relationship that in most cases is highly unlike the next person’s.
This then makes seeing another person’s relationship as #relationshipgoals unnecessarily challenging to the mind. Because without even realizing it, you will self consciously always pit your relationship against the other person’s. Likely leading to never quite being satisfied with what you have and who you have it with.
Having relationship goals can also stir up insecurities you may have not realized were even there. With so many relationships goals being plastered everywhere, men and women (mostly) are feeling the pressure. It feels like there’s more pressure than ever to be in a relationship and create your very own relationship goals.
With all this being said, can you really blame me for no longer believing in relationship goals and what comes along with it?
I’d rather just do me and keep the standards of the relationship I desire appropriate for the man I’m in the relationship with. Ya know what I mean?
As for the couples I admire:
Will and Jayda, Barack and Michelle, Sterling Shepard and Chanel Iman, HRH Prince Harry and HRH Megan Markle, and that of very few people I know — I admire y’all, yes. But I’m going to kindly pass on making any of you my relationship goals.
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