With Love, Thelms

If personal boundaries were as obvious as a yellow caution sign when the floor is wet after being mopped — they would be easier to follow. Unfortunately, they are more invisible to the naked eye; making it your duty as an individual to set and clarify the ones you have with others. Naturally, discovering what boundaries you want to put in place can be challenging. However, it shouldn’t be shied away from because there’s so much beauty in establishing them. It can make for healthier connections with yourself, family, and all others you surround yourself with both knowingly & unknowingly.

In tonight’s post, I want to explore the beauty in establishing boundaries and how to do so in a healthy & productive way.

In order to better explore the topic of tonight’s blog post however — I figured we’d unpack it by defining it first.

Boundary, according to the Oxford dictionary is “an imaginary line that marks the limits of something and separates it from other things”

In the context of life though, I personally don’t perceive boundaries as a separating force. Rather it is a line (invisible in nature of course) that when clarified, can make for more positive connections; the exact opposite of separation.

Now establishing boundaries can be challenging when you don’t know yourself well enough to outline them or determine what you gravitate towards or away from. This is why being introspective and assessing the qualities that make you, you are so important. In doing so, they improve our self esteem and relationships with others. Most importantly they improve the most important relationship we’ll have in this life; the relationship with ourselves.

I mean hear me out. Have you ever thought of how good it feels when you say no to something that doesn’t suit you? Or remove yourself from situations that feel taxing? Doing so should feel a lot like honoring yourself because that is exactly what you are doing. That you would be so in tune with yourself that you shy away from things that are emotionally triggering for you in any capacity is beautiful. To honor yourself in that way takes courage and understanding of self. That in itself is a boundary you have put into place and the beauty of establishing it? Everything.

I believe that determining your boundaries can also feel a lot like trial and error (but not to worry, there’s beauty there too). Yes, knowing yourself is key and will take you a great deal, but more often than not — experience is usually the best teacher. Sometimes, you may not know where a line needs to be drawn until you reach that edge; that threshold; that experience. It’s through such experiences that you are then able to determine where a boundary needs to be placed, or repositioned. With the aspect of repositioning a boundary leading me to my next point.

In order to maintain the healthy portion of what a boundary should be, they have to remain flexible. A boundary shouldn’t be so rigid in nature, that the thought of changing one or getting rid of it all together seems impossible. Remember these are your boundaries to honor and should be done so according to level of relevancy in your life. Maybe a boundary you established years ago from childhood trauma is no longer triggering. You’ve gone to therapy, worked it out and are now able to see more clearly when it comes to that particular one. Give yourself grace and the opportunity to tweak said boundary to what currently suits you. Again, maybe a previous boundary equated to 1+2 = 3 Years later things have changed and now 1+2 = 5 (For hypothetical purposes, obvi). Let your boundaries roll with the changes/traumas you experience in life and create them so they suit you & your needs. It goes without saying that a boundary can be placed anywhere for anything (personal space, emotions & thoughts, sexual encounters, time and energy, possessions, etc).

& when you determine that, the room to conserve emotional energy is yours.

Here’s the thing:

Without boundaries, your self esteem and identity are likely to be threatened — making it easier to build resentment towards people because you choose not to advocate for yourself enough. For whatever reason you think that having no boundaries is beautiful because you’re everybody’s everything, but what about being your everything? That’s where the real beauty lies and establishing boundaries looks a lot like advocating for yourself. What’s more beautiful than that?

To building more positive connections one imaginary (but very real) line at a time,

Thelms