With Love, Thelms

I don’t think anyone can stand a douche bag. They’re ruthless in the way they treat women and have no regard for how it makes those women feel. AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS is the motto, but sometimes a few of them slip through our brick wall and manage to snag a piece of our heart. Dang it. As time goes on and you encounter a few of them, you learn to rebuild the wall of bricks to a wall of impenetrable steel. But what about your bff? Time and experience has taught you a valuable lesson, but what if they haven’t been schooled yet?

In the past, I have seen so many friendships go to shit… OVER A GUY believe it or not. Seriously, friendships are supposed to be a sisterhood ladies! The sisterhood once shared disappears like it was never there to begin with. You were just trying to do the right thing, you tell yourself. He’s no good for her and she needed to know. Reasoning, that the only way she would have seen the light is if you bashed him constantly until the invisible stamp on his forehead that says, “world’s biggest douche bag” is visible.

However, as much as you may love your best friend, doing so could cause a world full of hurt, you might not be ready for &  here’s why:

1. SHE DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT: When you’d have sleepovers, you both used to talk about how honest you would be with each other. She claimed she’d always be receptive to advice from you about her future guy if something was going down. Bullshit. It was all total bullshit. Everyone is receptive to advice, they don’t need yet. #facts BUT. When they’re in that relationship, who knows how her guy could change her or how likely she’ll be willing to take on your advice. If she asks, offer — but don’t push your past troubles on her current relationship. Just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to her. Many times, she’ll swear she can handle it and maybe she can. Just be there to listen and offer your shoulder if she needs something to cry on.

2. THE DRAMA MAY BE LESS SERIOUS THAN SHE’S LETTING ON: Ever have that friend who, when her and her boyfriend fight she SWEARS she’s leaving him?! She tells you, sound effects and all — how full of shit he is and purposely makes you HATE. HIM. You see him the next day and you’re fuming, then you call her and she’s over it. So much so, that you hear him in the background and she’s rushing you off the phone giggling. Really?

3. IT’S NOT YOUR BATTLE TO FIGHT: DON’T GET INVOLVED. It’s her relationship, so let HER deal with it. No need to unfollow him on Instagram if you ever were, no need to write nasty comments under his picture because he made her cry, and there’s definitely no need to think about slashing his tires. Not only is it against the law, but it’s just not necessary. Settle down. Your crazy is starting to show.

4. IT ALWAYS BACKFIRES: No matter how much you’e trying to do the right thing, it always bites you in the ass. ALWAYS. The guy will either manipulate the situation by making it seem like you’re jealous of what they have — as if you could be jealous of such dysfunction, or she’ll start to think it’s more than just you trying to be a good friend… She won’t share things with you anymore and you’ll quickly become an outsider clawing to look in on the rest of her life. It happens, trust me.

5. IF THE TABLES WERE REVERSED, YOU WOULDN’T WANT HER GETTING INVOLVED: For me, this point drives this article home. No one wants people all up in the nooks and crannies of their relationship. I sure don’t and I know you don’t either. If the roles were reversed, you’d want advice if YOU asked. You wouldn’t want to wake up to texts from your boyfriend fuming about your bff calling him an “ass wipe” under the picture of he and his grandma (although, calling someone an asswipe is kind of amusing). Afterall, it’s the Golden Rule!

So tribe, that’s my take on it all! Next time your BFF comes to you fuming about her bf pissing her off for the 50th time, just listen. Don’t bash. That doesn’t mean you won’t be honest because you will. It just means the way you go about it will be different and not so harsh. She’ll figure it out on her own, after all this is the 50th time of this song and dance. You know he’s a grade A asshole, he knows he’s a grade A asshole, and eventually she’ll know too.

However if it concerns domestic abuse of any kind, forget everything I just said and seek the police. No way is someone beating on your best friend and not getting involved okay. Slash them tires baby girl and call the police, let that crazy show!

love + light tribe.

xx Thelms