The answer is no. In no way shape or form am I Sugarbaby material. I thought I’d make that clear before diving into being offered the role of someone’s Sugarbaby a few weeks ago + why I politely declined.
I mean I’m not new to the term, but for those of you who are and not familiar with “Sugarbaby” and its counterparts — let me bring you up to speed.
A Sugarbaby is someone who,
“receives gifts, support, or other material benefits in exchange for companionship and other things as outlined by the Sugardaddy / Sugarmomma (usually one of an older league)”
I’ve always known that it’s out there and people partake in it (Sugardaddies have sugar babies, sugarmommas have sugar babies) — I just never thought I’d be desired as someone’s sugarbaby.
SO without further ado, story time,
A few weeks ago I was browsing through Tinder (I know, I know I said I was done with that app — but I was bored out of my mind one afternoon — it has since been permanently deleted), when I stumbled upon a guy that peeked my interest. Physically he met my inner checklist (tall, dark, and brooding with a beautiful smile might I add). He was older than I am, but I didn’t think anything of it because physically he was mouth watering LOL.
Ladies, he looked GOODT.
Now to carry on —
Tinder is like playing a good game of paper rock scissors in the sense that you always know what you’re playing at and hoping that the other party is on the same page (making neither of you the loser).
As I swiped right, I was a little surprised that we had matched for two reasons (his age and something he mentioned in his bio), but very interested nevertheless. Now before I continue, I’ll have you babes know, I absolutely WAS NOT looking for the love of my life. Rather someone I could exchange a few flirty messages with back and forth, until I came back to my senses and deleted the app for good. Like I said, I was bored out of my mind that afternoon. When he hit me with a message mere seconds after the confirmed match, my interest grew. We chatted back and forth for the next few days, until we transitioned from the app to texting. Eventually the ever so typical question that naturally transitions the conversation from light and airy to intentional was asked:
“So what brought you to Tinder?”
I shared my reason for being on the app and waited to hear his. His response floored me.
“I’m looking for you to be my sugarbaby Thelma. Let’s meet up and get dinner. Let me take you out. I wanna buy you nice things and take care of you. Weekly allowance and all staring after our first date. I’m going on 40 in a couple of years and I’m not here for games. I know what I bring to the table and I need a lady that would be down for me. I like spoiling my lady….”
Did I mention I was floored?!
So floored that days went by and I still hadn’t responded to him.
By the third day he called and I contemplated whether to answer.
Eventually I did, and the “I’m floored” feelings I had a few days prior grew stronger.
He started the conversation as regular as ever, until he finally broached the topic of the whole sugardaddy/sugarbaby debacle.
“So what do you think about me taking care of you Thelma,” he said.
Remember how I said he was 40 and not trying to play any games LOL. He had a great job (I looked him up on LinkedIn) and was doing pretty well for himself.
“I mean I think that’s sweet of you,” I said with as much authority as I could muster “but I don’t need weekly allowances and gifts from someone I hardly know. I’m also not ready to fulfill the demands or expectations that would come with being on the receiving end of said gifts….”
“Well let’s get dinner. Let me take you out and show you a good time. By the end of the night, I know I can convince you that I’m what you need — A good Sugardaddy” he said with as much conviction as you’re probably imagining.
Without really giving him an answer, I was able to talk myself out of the conversation (faking a work crisis has its benefits let me tell you).
The next few days we shared a few texts back and forth, until I stopped replying all together. I think he eventually got the message because he completely stopped reaching out a week or so later.
Tinder is the wild Wild West y’all and don’t even think about pulling up unless you packing kind of environment lol.
As far as why I turned him down and why I’ll continue to turn down anyone offering their sugar daddy services:
I can take care of myself and don’t need a weekly allowance from someone sporting the Sugardaddy label like last year’s snakeskin. I want to continue to date and get to know men without the expectation that because they’re giving me money weekly I have to perform (be or become someone I’m not). I don’t find the idea of being someone’s sugarbaby appealing to be honest. I don’t have time to figure out how to be the best sugarbaby so the gifts and money keep rolling in, and frankly I do not ever want to. I mean I’m a human being, nice things are cool and receiving/spending legal money that isn’t mine is cool — but the expectations or the requirements that would surely come with it?! Not so much. Call me a sap, but I want to meet the man of my dreams, fall in love, trick on each other (buy each other nice things if and when our heart so desires), get married, have kids — white picket fence and all.
Somehow, I’m almost positive that being someone’s sugarbaby doesn’t fit into those plans or God’s plan for me at all.
Now if you’re reading this and you’re someone’s sugarbaby — GET IT HOW YOU LIVE and I mean that with every fiber of my being. This a shade free-zone, seriously. As long as you’re happy and it works for you, do you boo.
I however will continue to wait for my Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet because Lord knows I’ll sweep him of his,
Thelms
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